My near death experience

Let me start by saying I love where I live. The only drawback is the assortment of critters that I run into from time to time. Yesterday, I was driving to a nearby farm. It was pouring, and I was driving perhaps a little too fast for the winding country road I was on. When suddenly, out of nowhere, appears a spider tangling down in front of me, heading for my arm. Now this was no normal spider. It was nasty, and I could tell it fully intended to eat me alive. So I did what any normal person would do, I totally freaked out! I was swinging at the man-eating spider like a mad woman. I looked up, and realized I was literally inches from plowing into a telephone pole. How I missed the pole, I don't know. It had to have been divine intervention. I should have been counting my blessings at this point, but there was no time. I quickly realized that I'd lost sight of my nemesis. I knew he was in the car somewhere, so I pulled over, rather than risk death by telephone pole. It was no where to be seen. I reluctantly continued on my trip. A minute or two passed. I attempted to drive safely, while keeping an eye out for you know who. Suddenly he appeared again, this time on my lap. EEW! I knew I had no time to waste, within seconds he'd be gnawing through my jeans. So I slapped that little sucker as hard as I could. Bulls eye! Splat! I hurt myself, from hitting so hard, and my jeans had really nasty squished spider guts on them, but I WON!! All you PETA people can sit right back down, you didn't see this freak of nature.