Love her like Jesus...

The following post was written last week. For some reason I didn't get around to proofreading and actually publishing it. On Saturday, I was just getting on the computer when the phone rang. It was a friend from church calling to tell us that a 14 year boy in our church, the only child of my friend, had died unexpectedly. It has been a very difficult week, to say the least. I had totally forgotten about this post, until I got on the computer this evening. I debated whether to publish it, but in the end decided God had put this on my heart for a reason. So here it is:

A recent post at Stephanie's Mommy brain, here, reminded me how important our words, or lack thereof can be, especially when dealing with someone in crisis. After the death of our nephew, Tony, last fall, I so wanted to rush in and save the day with all the right things to say. But I truly had no idea what the right things were. The death of a child is such an unthinkable loss. What words of wisdom could I possibly offer my brother and sister in law? I knew words could not erase their anguish, and yet I longed to help them. A few days after the funeral I was cleaning in the kitchen and pouring out my heart to God. I was desperate for some direction in ministering to my sister-in-law. I felt so helpless and useless. God was quick with an answer. I was listening to KLOVE, and immediately after I asked Him what to do, the Casting Crowns song Love Them Like Jesus came on. These words pierced my heart:

"You don't need the answers to all of life's questions, Just know that He loves her, and stay by her side, Love her like Jesus."

Could He have been anymore specific? A peace settled over me, I knew what the Lord was telling me to do. But just how does one love like Jesus? Well, God told me in the song, "stay by her side." Now I have to admit, we weren't the best of buddies before Tony's death. We were always friendly, but not particularly close. (Although we did have the unique bond of sharing the same mother-in-law!) I worried how responsive she would be to my attempts to "be by her side." But I figured God could work that out, and He did. I didn't do anything spectacular. I just called on a regular basis to check in, and allowed her to talk about what she was going through. I let her talk about Tony, without trying to change the subject. I realized that he was always on her mind anyway, so it would be selfish and foolish to avoid the subject. Whenever we could, we'd go out for coffee to just get away for an hour. I have to admit, there were many days when the depths of her grief were overwhelming to me, and I've spent many a night crying and praying for her pain. The only answer I had, she wasn't ready for yet, so I've just let her vent her grief. I was honest in that I had no idea what she was going through, it was unimaginable to me. Apparently this honesty helped her feel safe talking to me. While others offered advice on how to get through the death of a loved one, I just listened and prayed. On many occasions she apologized for "dumping all her crap" on me. I just laughed, and said that's what I'm here for. Well, a funny thing happened. What started out as the verb "love", turned into the noun "love", and in the process we have become the best of friends. Because of the friendship we've developed over the past year, she agreed to visit my church at a recent "Friend's Day". She hadn't stepped foot in any church since her son's funeral, so this was a huge step for her. The service was awesome, and the Gospel was clearly presented. I'd love to say she ran to the front at the invitation, but that didn't happen. However, I do know that seeds were planted. Since visiting my church she has been much more open to spiritual conversations, even to the point of initiating them. You can just feel Him at work. In all the good and bad that has happened in the past year, God just continues to blow my mind. It amazes me how He can use any situation to work out His plan. I can't wait to see what He'll do next.